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Game 4
Not many column ideas coming to me this week, so I decided to borrow a page from (or "steal a good premise from," if you want to argue semantics) ESPN.com's Bill Simmons and keep a running diary of tonight's (I'm writing this on Friday) Game 4 between the Minnesota Wild and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks.
I've got some microwave popcorn, I've got my sweatpants, and I've got three 24 oz. MGD tallboys. I think I'll need every drop, because the Ducks' Jean-Sebastien Giguere has been doing some historic playoff goaltending, and unless the Wild get up off of their collective rear ends the series ends tonight. I'm hoping for a 1.00 TPP ("Tallboys Per Period") average, which would be a career high. It occurs to me that I should have stocked up in case of overtime. Oh, well.
I'm also in a unique position as a sports fan; I grew up in Minnesota and root for all of their teams, yet I reside in southern California. In the last six months, I've had to watch two Minnesota teams bow out to SoCal franchises in the playoffs (the Twins having lost to the Angels and the Timberwolves having lost to the Lakers), and if Giguere and the rest of the Ducks hold serve here in Game 4 the Wild could complete the trifecta in impressive fashion. I don't think I'll see anything like that happen again. Thank God L.A. doesn't have a football team, and thank God the Vikings stink and won't be coming anywhere near the playoffs.
My prediction for tonight's game: Anaheim wins 1-0, Giguere does it again. And, my fiancιe (who's working tonight) gets home with 1:30 left in regulation, at the exact second the Wild pull their goalie (and I just wouldn't believe what happened to her at work tonight. This lady came in
)
So, here we go.
7:24 pm Oh, good. The Pistons/Sixers game on ESPN is in overtime. I didn't want to see the start of my crummy, all-important hockey game anyway.
7:30 pm "Wing-MAAAAANNN."
RANDOM THOUGHT: Don't even talk to me about traffic until you've fought your way south on Lincoln Boulevard in Santa Monica on a Friday evening. I think the timing of the traffic signals was worked out by Satan and Conrad Dobler.
7:33 pm Still basketball. The Pistons have a big, good European white guy. Why aren't there any big, good American white guys? Did Bird and McHale use it all up?
Just asking.
7:35 pm CRACK! fizz
(gulp) "Aaaah
" (Mom, if you're reading this, I'm not driving anywhere tonight, and I'm working off of a full stomach)
7:37 pm I wonder if I could beat up Allen Iverson. I've got an inch and like 30 pounds on him. I really don't think I could, though.
RANDOM THOUGHT: The best shows in TV are "Scrubs" and "Smallville." Everything else is tied for third place (except for "Will & Grace," which is horrible).
7:39 pm I'm reminded of two things by the ESPN hockey studio crew: the Wild are 6-0 in elimination games during these playoffs, and it's Jean-Sebastien Giguere's 26th birthday. I don't know what to make of that imformation.
7:41 pm 28.9 seconds left in overtime. Let's see how long that takes to play.
7:43 pm Chauncey Billups. Who knew?
RANDOM THOUGHT: America is the greatest country in the world, because where else could this scenario exist
"We'll bring you to that playoff game in just a second, but first, the end of ANOTHER SPORT'S PLAYOFF GAME!" You've got to love that.
RANDOM THOUGHT: Here's what I like about Bill Walton (among other things): he's the only person I've ever heard compare a black player to a white player (or vice versa). I can't remember who it was, but he was talking about a guy who happened to be black, and he said his moves and style of play reminded him of Kevin McHale. You NEVER hear that. You could have a white, six-foot guard who was a streaky shooter with great moves, had tattoos and cornrows, whose crazy mom came to every game wearing his jersey, who cut an obscene rap album, and who said, "We talkin' about PRACTICE," and people would compare him to Larry Bird.
7:48 pm OT is over. I don't have a stopwatch, but that took at least six minutes.
7:48 pm Oh, hi. Welcome to Anaheim. 15:49 to go, first period, and the Wild are on a power play.
7:49 pm SCOOOOOORE! Andrew Brunette tips one in, and the Wild have their first goal of the series. You've got to hand it to JSG; he was amazing. The fifth-longest playoff shutout streak ever, they're now telling us, and the longest in 52 years.
Quick note about Andrew Brunette
when he scored in OT of Game 7 in Colorado to send the Wild to the second round of the playoffs, his face immediately afterwards had the same "Given what I do for a living and where I am on this particular evening I shouldn't be completely surprised by what just happened, but I never in a million years considered it a possibility" look as Adrien Brody's did when he won the Oscar.
7:52 pm Wild goalie Manny Fernandez looks good.
7:54 pm Ducks power play coming up.
At the risk of sounding like Fred Willard in "Best in Show," wouldn't it be great if the penalty box were set up "Fear Factor" style, hanging maybe seven feet above center ice? You could have it locked with three padlocks, each of which had ten possible keys. You have to keep the gloves on, but as soon as you unlock the three locks, open the door and jump down onto the ice, power play's over.
I'd watch that.
7:57 pm Crap. 1-1. The puck just deflected off of someone's skate, and Adam Oates put it in. Not much Manny could have done, it looks like.
RANDOM THOUGHT: When are we going to see a DVD of all the "This is SportsCenter" commercials throughout the years? With commentary by Kenny Mayne and Dan Patrick? I'll do whatever I have to do to make this happen.
8:11 pm They just said that there's "extra security" in place in case the fans of Anaheim get out of hand following a possible Ducks win. Yeah, they'll riot. When the Angels won the World Series last fall they held the parade at freakin' Disneyland.
8:13 pm Gary Thorne and Bill Clement have pretty much become the Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler of the NHL as far as I'm concerned. If anyone else is doing the announcing, it just doesn't feel like the real thing.
8:15 pm The Ducks just hit the post.
8:16 pm The Wild just hit the post. I'm sorry, but you can't beat playoff hockey. Not with a playoff-hockey-beating machine.
8:19 pm First intermission. Time for popcorn.
RANDOM THOUGHT: I saw "The Matrix Reloaded" last night
Lawrence Fishburne looks like he ate Lawrence Fishburne. He's HUGE.
Also, I THOUGHT that one guy was a pretty bad actor (particularly for someone in a highly anticipated, big-budget summer blockbuster), and then it turns out that it was Roy Jones, Jr. Shame on me for not recognizing him. But I will say in my defense that he did look incredibly familiar. It's just that seeing someone so wildly out of context; it's like, if you saw, say, Vice President Cheney at 7-11 wearing jean shorts and a Green Bay Packers T-shirt, you might be forgiven if you couldn't place him immediately.
8:32 pm I would never, ever advocate violence against an innocent human being, but
if I were offered the choice to wipe one person from the very fabric of existence, it would be Jim Rome. I wouldn't even have to think about it.
8:37 pm 2nd period. Fresh ice; I wonder if hockey players think of that fresh ice like I think of a crisp new dollar bill. You know, like it's a shame to have to skate on it (fold it up and stick it in your wallet) because it looks so nice.
Probably not.
8:45 pm Wild power play. Come on, guys.
8:47 pm Nope. Darn.
8:52 pm Ducks power play.
8:53 pm Nice save. I don't want to jinx him, but Manny looks good.
8:54 pm Crap. 2-1. Yeah, I really shouldn't have said anything. Adam Oates again.
It is just me, or do some guys (Oates in particular) just look ridiculous with that giant cartoon duck on the front of their uniform? Paul Kariya, that's fine. He looks like a Disney kind of guy. But Adam Oates must just put that thing on every night and say, "I can't believe I'm wearing this."
8:57 pm Is it possible that Richard Petty just sits at home and has other people with the shades, hat and moustache go around being in commercials and making appearances in his name? Sort of like Ronald McDonald? And, if that's not what's going on, why not? Who would know?
8:59 pm Wild power play.
9:02 pm Not only don't they score, they commit a penalty. Nice.
RANDOM THOUGHT: Here's the thing about the name "Minnesota Wild:" I'm not buying the singular thing. I won't write "the Wild has lost its last three games." I just won't. It's a stupid name, and I'm not playing along. "The Wild have lost their last three games."
9:16 pm Intermission. 2-1 Ducks. I don't think it's going to happen.
9:20 pm Barry Melrose has the hockey mullet by which all other hockey mullets will be measured.
9:22 pm Holy crap. According to the ESPN ticker, the Twins beat the White Sox 18-3. I think that qualifies as "winning handily."
RANDOM THOUGHT: If I'm putting together a commercial for anything, anywhere, I'm getting Yao Ming. End of story.
9:34 pm The Wild begin the third with about a minute left on a power play. Let's go.
9:35 pm Nope. Just one shot on that one. I don't like their chances. The Ducks just have that "team of destiny" stink about them.
9:37 pm I'll admit it: I've been watching an awful lot of playoff hockey, and I'm still not entirely sure what a "poke check" is.
9:40 pm The Anaheim crowd is trying that "Let's Go YANK-ees! Clap, Clap, clap-clap-clap" chant. But it's coming out "Let's Go DUH-uhks! Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap." Doesn't fit. Just a nice, three-syllable "Let's Go Ducks!" would probably have been the way to go.
9:48 pm Ho-hum, just another garden-variety, inhuman, miraculous save by JSG. I swear, it's like he's in the Matrix, and he's seeing things in bullet time.
9:55 pm Seven minutes left in the Wild's season. Well done, guys, but it's just not meant to be.
9:58 pm "Wing-MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!"
10:02 pm 3 1/2 minutes left. The Anaheim fans just started that "we know our team has done it, and we're showing our appreciation" cheer, that sort of sustained applause that you only hear in the closing minutes of a home team's series-clinching win. To his immense credit, Gary Thorne notices it and points it out.
10:06 pm The Wild pull the goalie. 56.5 left. High drama here in the Stanley Cup playoffs.
10:07 pm Quick tip: if your team is going to lose a playoff series, get drunk as they do. It really takes the edge off.
10:09 pm 16.8 left. Congrats, Wild, but it's not your time.
10:10 pm And, one more amazing save by JSG. I can honestly say that I wish the Mighty Ducks the best of luck in the Stanley Cup playoffs. I don't know about you, but every once in a while I develop quite an affinity for the team that plays mine in a playoff series. For instance, I'll always have a place in my heart for Tom Brookens, Pat Sheridan, Doyle Alexander and the rest of the 1987 Detroit Tigers.
10:14 pm JSG shakes hands with the Wild just as the fiancιe walks in the door.
Good timing.
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