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I Lied
Okay, okay, I lied. No "Average Mulder" this week. I've just got nothing to say about sports or anything else.
I figured I'd think of something if I gave myself Monday evening to reflect, but, I ended up getting a copy of "Fatherland" at the library because Lileks mentioned it. Well, he mentioned another book by the same author. Anyway, "Fatherland" is about if Germany hadn't lost World War II, I guess (I'm only a few pages in); one of those revisionist history things. One of the least nerdy ones, though, from what I've been able to surmise.
I also read half of "Guns of the South" once, which is much more implausible and much, much nerdier. In fact, I've read half of a lot of books, not the least of which were "Moby Dick" and "The Winter of Our Discontent."
I did manage to finish three Steinbeck books when I was younger, though: "The Grapes of Wrath" (even the goofy chapters with the turtle), "Cannery Row" and "The Pearl." That was back in high school.
Oh, and "Of Mice and Men," but, that's more of a novella, so, that's not going to impress anybody. Although "The Pearl" is too, I guess. So never mind.
Never did Faulkner, though. In college we were supposed to read "Absalom, Absalom!," but, I saw that some of the chapters were in all italics, and I thought, "yeah. I don't think so."
Then, just last year my wife had "The Sound and the Fury" (or something else by Faulkner; one of the famous ones) on our shelf, and I thought, "maybe I should give Faulker another try."
So, I picked it up, and, I made it about one sentence in, and then there's some talk about "the curling flower spaces." I came to that and I thought, "okay, I recognize those three words, but, they make no sense whatsoever in that context. He may as well have said 'purple monkey dishwasher.'"
So that was the end of Faulkner.
Anyway.
I finally finished "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" after about three years of slogging my way though it (and three years of keeping a piece of duct tape fixed over the giant swastika on the cover, just to avoid running into someone who saw a giant swastika on the cover and thought less "valuable firsthand account of Nazi Germany by a reporter who was there himself through a lot of it" and more "hey, swastikas are bad! I'm going to kick that guy's ass!"), so, I figured I'd do "Fatherland" as sort of an after-dinner palate cleanser.
Incidentally, if you're flying anywhere over the holiday season and you're in need of a good read, try any of the Lou Boldt books by Ridley Pearson (I'm sure the other books he's written are fine; I just haven't read any of them), or any of the four books that Dan Brown has published. Sure, Dan Brown's stuff is all the same, and all really preposterous, but, there are literally no better books to read on a flight. You can't put them down. Seriously. You can't. I think they just passed a law to that effect.
Actual column next week, God willing.
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