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I Have Nothing To Say About Sports This Week
I have absolutely nothing to say about sports this week. I just don't. The NBA Finals? Not really interested. Baseball? Nothing really going on with interleague play. Jim Furyk wins the U.S. Open; good for him.
So, I figured I'd let everyone know what the best and worst state quarters (among the ones I've collected so far) are. Because this is important stuff.
They are ranked in ascending order.
BAD
ALABAMA
 Alabama decided to put Helen Keller on their quarter. She's sitting in a chair, reading something. Lord knows, when I think Alabama, I think Helen Keller sitting in a chair reading something. Now, we all realize that Alabama has some issues, has some stuff in its past that it's not proud of, so they probably wanted to steer clear of any of that. I want a state quarter that's going to give me a little bit of information about that state; an outline of the state is always good, so I know what it looks like, maybe something that represents the state's shared history. I look at Alabama's state quarter, and I come away with the knowledge that Helen Keller was from there. Please. Not that there's anything wrong with Helen Keller, per se. But she didn't even have all that much to do with Alabama after she went off to college. This one will be hard to top in terms of state-quarter badness. But then again, I was once saying that about...
OHIO
 ... Ohio. Ohioans apparently have Governor Bob Taft to thank for this turd, which due to a rule that no living persons can be depicted on US currency (I'm not looking that up, I'm just assuming I remember the law correctly) can't actually refer to John Glenn and/or Neil Armstrong by name, so there's just a guy in a space suit. So, some astronauts and one of the Wright brothers happened to be born in your state. Whoop-de-freakin'-doo. At least they had the smarts to put the outline of Ohio on the quarter. If you're not even going to do that, you've better come with something pretty strong.
CONNECTICUT
 We've got a tree. That's Connecticut, folks. They've got trees. If you turn the quarter to the light just right and really squint, you'll find out that this specific tree is "The Charter Oak." OK. That must be a big thing in Connecticut. Not having spent a great deal of time in Connecticut (I drove through without stopping once), I couldn't tell you.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
 Gets rated highest out of the "bad" group because they put the state motto, "Live Free Or Die," on the coin. That has to be the best motto in the long and distinguished history of mottoes. That being said, they put "The Old Man of the Mountain," which I had never heard of (which, admittedly, is probably more my fault than the Old Man of the Mountain's), on their quarter. Nothing about the Revolution, nothing about politics and the New Hampshire primary always being the first one (which is pretty much what they've got going for them, nationally), but The Old Man of the Mountain. Of course, earlier this year The Old Man of the Mountain collapsed and is no longer there, which I feel proves that this was a stupid idea for a state quarter.
OKAY
DELAWARE
 A guy on a horse. And, "The First State." That's cool. If you're "The First State," be sure to make that clear on your state quarter. We see, though, that the guy on the horse is "Caesar Rodney." I don't know who that is. I asked around, and neither does anyone else. I'm sure Caesar Rodney played a very important part in American history, but it's been lost on most of us. Nice horse, but, if you've got to dig that far to find someone good to put on your state quarter, just go ahead and have a guy on a horse. I bet Wyoming will.
VIRGINIA
 Pretty cool ships, but then you look and you see that they represent the quadricentennial of Jamestown. The only problem is that the quarter was issued in 2000, and the quadricentennial of Jamestown is in 2007, as the quarter itself will tell you. That's bizarre. Plus, Virginia's got so much history vis a vis the founding of America and Thomas Jefferson and what not, so the quadricentennial of Jamestown seems like a weird choice to go with. Pretty cool ships, though.
TENNESSEE
 Instruments, and the phrase "Musical Heritage?" Just doesn't do it for me. Next.
MISSISSIPPI
 Now we're getting into the ones that I like, but that just couldn't quite crack the top group. Mississippi has their nickname (always a good thing to put on your state quarter), "The Magnolia State," and then some nice magnolias. Like Alabama, Mississippi has some things in its past that we'd rather not dwell on, but unlike Alabama, they decided to put a little something representative of their state on their quarter. Well done, Mississippi. An outline of the state would have bumped you up into the top group, though.
LOUISIANA
 Too busy. Going with the Louisiana Purchase was a good idea, but then you've got a trumpet, which represents the New Orleans jazz scene, obviously, but that really doesn't fit with the Louisiana Purchase. Then, you've got a pelican. Not bad, nice try, but it reeks of too many cooks spoiling the broth. If you're going to have a few different themes, you've got to integrate them a little bit better.
INDIANA
 Pretty darn good. You've got "Crossroads of America," the state outline, a circle of stars that I'm sure means something to the people of Indiana; I just don't quite like that race car. It fits with Indiana, I guess, but it's limited to the Indy 500 and the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I haven't spent much time in Indiana (maybe eight or nine hours total), but I would imagine that basketball is as big a deal, if not bigger, than auto racing (anyone from Indiana can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).
RHODE ISLAND
 Playing to your strength. That's a cool lookin' sailboat, and a cool lookin' bridge.
GOOD
VERMONT
 Some person tapping trees for maple syrup, and the words "Freedom and Unity." About as good as you could have expected from Vermont. It's not a certain person, or a certain tree, and I like that.
NORTH CAROLINA
 Ah, synergy. The license plates in North Carolina have the Wright Brothers' plane and the words "First in Flight," and so does the coin (although the coin says "First Flight"). They went with one theme, and didn't try to pack too much in. Well done, North Carolina.
PENNSYLVANIA
 Now we're getting into some rarefied air. This is a fine, fine state quarter. I wish I knew what that statue was, but that's probably my own ignorance. They stuck the keystone symbol on there (Pennsylvania is "The Keystone State"), they've got the state outline (which, if you haven't realized by now, I always appreciate), and they've got what I assume is the state motto (Virtue, Liberty, Independence). Nice.
MARYLAND
 No outline, but I'm giving them a pass on that. We see the capitol dome, and Maryland's nickname, The Old Line State. Maryland doesn't need to brag, Maryland doesn't need to impress you. Maryland just wants a quarter that looks like a quarter. Admirable restraint.
KENTUCKY
 "When I think of Kentucky, I think of..." That's one way to go with your state quarter, and Kentucky is probably the best example of this school of thought. "My Old Kentucky Home," with a horse, and a large antebellum house in the background. That's Kentucky. Everyone else who doesn't want to go with the nice, safe, educational "state outline, state flower, state motto/nickname" school of thought ought to take a cue from Kentucky and do it right.
SOUTH CAROLINA
 Speaking of the "state outline, state flower, state motto/nickname" school of thought, we've got a perfect example here from South Carolina. They're evidently The Palmetto State, and we've got a nice tree and a nice bird. Want to know what they are? Look it up. See? This quarter promotes learning. They've even got a nice little star where Columbia, the state capital, is. This is what we call a "textbook" state quarter design. Rock solid, South Carolina.
GEORGIA
 Another good example. You've got the outline, a Georgia peach, and the state motto. Notable also because the peach looks quite a bit like an upside-down butt.
NEW JERSEY
 I said earlier that if you're not going to have the state outline on your quarter, you'd better come pretty strong. Well, New Jersey did. They've got the famous scene of Washington crossing the Delaware, with the phrase "Crossroads of the Revolution." Take that, rest of the country!
MASSACHUSETTS
 The motto, the state outline, the star where the state capital is, and a nice statue of a Minuteman. Massachusetts really could have gone overboard with the Revolutionary War stuff, or tried to pack too much in (Louisiana, I'm looking in your direction). They didn't.
ILLINOIS
 I can't tell you how impressed I was when I saw Illinois' state quarter for the first time. Wait, yes I can: I was incredibly impressed when I saw Illinois' state quarter for the first time. It's known as the Land of Lincoln, so you've got young Lincoln; it's got Chicago, which is the third largest city the United States, so you've got the skyline; and it's got plenty of good old-fashioned Midwestern farmland, so you see a farmhouse, barn and silo. Ranked second only because of the weird 21st State - Century thing they try to pull off. I see what they're going for there, but it doesn't really mean anything and doesn't need to be there.
NEW YORK
 I'll admit it: part of the reason that New York's quarter is ranked first is because it was issued in 2001, which is a year that New Yorkers will never forget. But it would probably be in the top spot anyway, simply because they got a lot in without hitting you over the head with it. Statue of Liberty, Erie Canal, "Gateway to Freedom," 11 stars to signify New York's status as the 11th state... everything here works. The rest of the United States has got its work cut out for it if anyone wants to beat New York. And only a few states even have a chance. I mean, no matter how good Arkansas' quarter is, it's still Arkansas' quarter. Texas, California: start working.
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