September 12, 2005 Issue 127
	Media Embarrassed To Admit It Has No Idea Who Actually Won Indy 500 Originally posted 5/30/2005 The winner of the 2005 Indianapolis 500 (identity unknown) celebrates his victory over Danica Patrick (inset) INDIANAPOLIS - Female driver Danica Patrick made history at Sunday's Indianapolis 500, becoming the first woman ever to lead the race and nearly capturing the checkered flag before being passed with seven laps to go by the eventual winner. Much to the chagrin of the the media covering the race, however, the identity of the winner was unknown as everybody was too busy focusing on Patrick's historic fourth-place finish. "I meant to keep track of who won the race," said Mike Harris of Associated Press, "but the Danica Patrick story was just huge. The place just went crazy when she took the lead, and everybody was upset when she got passed by whoever that guy was who passed her. Hopefully someone got his name." Patrick, 23, an Indy Racing League rookie with the Rahal Letterman racing team, led 19 of the race's 200 laps in the process of becoming a nationwide celebrity and the standard bearer for her flagging sport. "I wish we could have held on there at the end," Patrick said after the race. "I'll explain exactly what happened over the next few weeks during the approximately 7,000 talk show appearances I'm sure I'll be doing." "This was a red-letter day for IRL and for open-wheel racing," said Todd Harris, who called the race for ABC television. "What she accomplished puts her up there, as I said during the race, with Amelia Earhart and Sally Ride. Not to overlook the guy who won, of course. I don't recall his name, because he didn't come up at all during our telecast. But he must have done a good job, too." When asked about the achievement of his star rookie, Rahal Letterman co-owner David Letterman bugged out his eyes and, in a fake dumb-guy voice, said, "Uhhh, them cars is fast!" Letterman then giggled wildly before repeating the phrase three more times.
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