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Guy Who Travels with Stanley Cup Suddenly Has to Find a Real Job Originally posted 3/14/2005 |
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TORONTO - The cancellation of the NHL season has meant no hockey for NHL players and fans. It's also forced Walt Neubrand, the Stanley Cup's caretaker, to find a real job. "Man, I can't tell you how much it chaps my ass to sink down to the level of you everyday, working stiffs," said Neubrand. "Before the lockout, basically what happened was, I traveled with the Cup all over the world, shined it up a little, and used it to score chicks in bed. So basically, my life before the work stoppage consisted of going to a lot of cool places with the most hallowed trophy in all of sports and having lots of unprotected sex. What a life!" Finding work has been anything but easy for Neubrand, as he's still unemployed. Economist Ralph Renaud says it comes down to Neubrand's marketability. "There isn't much of a marketplace for a professional sports trophy cleaning bitch," said Renaud. "The other sports seem to be smart enough not to hire a full-time jackass to travel all over the world with a trophy that's seen more male lip action than a Michael Jackson adolescent houseguest. Perhaps that's why the sport is on the verge of economic ruin." Neubrand says he's hopeful the NHL is back on the ice next season, as he's starting to develop a "funny" feeling when he's alone in his room with the Cup. |
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