September 12, 2005 Issue 127
	Paul Hamm Keeps Gold Medal; Mia Hamm Gives Hers To That Korean Guy Originally posted 8/30/2004 American gold medalist Mia Hamm (left) stands with South Korea's Yang Tae-Young shortly before presenting him with her gold medal ATHENS - Calls from the International Gymnastics Federation for American Paul Hamm to give up his gold medal to Korean Yang Tae-Young fell on deaf ears this week as the United States Olympic Committee stated that Hamm will do nothing of the sort. In a heartwarming gesture of sportsmanship, however, American soccer player Mia Hamm gave her gold medal to Yang. "I've got another one [from the 1996 Atlanta games]," Mia Hamm said. "Now, everyone's happy." During last week's men's gymnastics all-around competition the degree of difficulty score of eventual bronze medalist Yang's parallel bar routine was judged incorrectly, wrongly depriving Yang of one tenth of a point that would have given him the gold. Supporters of Paul Hamm, however, point out that the judges also failed to assess a mandatory .2 point deduction during Yang's routine. "Paul Hamm alone, unlike every other gymnast who has ever benefited from questionable judging, should give up his gold medal," said International Gymnastics Federation president Bruno Grandi. "That seems perfectly reasonable to us. And no, it's not because he's American and the international community is still pissed off about Iraq. How dare you even suggest such a thing?" Upon being told that no such thing had been suggested, Grandi hurled a bank of microphones at the assembled press corps and fled on foot. "If you watch the tape of the South Korean's routine," said Paul Hamm's coach Miles Avery, "you can clearly see that Yang executes four 'holds' during his parallel routine, one more than the maximum three. If you're going to go back and change the scores, you have to consider the entire event, not just the part where you would have won. I mean, this isn't an election in Florida, this is the Olympics." "I really just thought this whole situation reflected badly on the both athletes, and on the Olympics," Mia Hamm said. "I figured if both Paul and Yang could have gold medals, all the controversy would blow over. Although how those gymnastics judges decide anything is beyond me. Granted, soccer is really stupid, but, at least the outcome is settled by the players on the field."
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